Experience and research show that it is important to look past the topical arguments, into the unmet needs that lie beneath the surface.  Unresolved arguments usually center on the things that happened rather than on what it is that may be causing the issues in the first place.  Fights about house cleaning/chores, for example, are usually more accurately about the need for appreciation and respect.  Coming to a point of recognizing this, and working through it, is difficult to do on your own: you’ve likely already had the same arguments over and over without making any progress and are instead growing further apart with each heated exchange.  A good couples/marriage therapist can help sort through the facts and perceptions, focus in on the emotional and practical needs of each party, and shift patterns away from conflict, toward resolution, peace, and connection.